Hilarious hate mail

So one of the many delights that comes with trying to get noticed for what I do is that sometimes people notice it, and they really don’t like it. Better yet, they really don’t like me. This only happens once in a very long while, but when it does, it’s often funny, because it seems like everyone with bad taste also can’t spell and is totally ignorant, which I find comforting, because it means that my music is for people with a sufficient number of brain cells, and they’re the kind of people I’d prefer to have as my fans anyway.

I wanted to share with you a hilarious hate message I got. When I first saw it in my inbox, I thought it would bring me down, but then I read it and I just laughed and laughed. Here it is:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Robby
To: JC Cassis
Date: Jun 13, 2009 10:48 PM
Subject: you being such a fag.

i my fucking god dude your the biggest flaming fag ive seen in atleast a year or two. if you wasnt a dude i guess your music wouldnt be near as bad but since your a fagget then it pretty much ruins it for me.  later ass monkey

Wow. Right? How many spelling and grammar mistakes can you count? I counted 20 in three sentences. That’s quite an achievement, Robby. Congratulations.

So this was funny to me because of the mistakes, and because of the actual substance of the email. I love that he thinks I’m a gay man, not a straight woman. I know my profile picture’s weird, but it’s not that weird, and it certainly doesn’t make me look like a man unequivocally (sorry if you don’t know what that word means, Robby). Also, being called a gay man is a compliment. I have more gay male friends I adore than I can count and it would be an honor to be any of them. Also, I love that he measures the time between instances of seeing “flaming fags,” and I’m surprised he’s managed to go “a year or two” without seeing any. I wonder what the last one was like, because he must have been quite memorable! I love how he makes it seem like he’d give my music some extra points if it were actually sung by a woman instead of a gay man, as if that makes any difference in how it actually sounds. Finally, “ass monkey” is a funny, cute insult. Monkeys have hilarious asses, and any monkey who is particularly into asses is doubly funny. Here’s my response:

I’m actually a girl, but thank you for thinking I’m a boy, how flattering! I love gay people so for someone to think I am one is joyous for me. You brightened my day! Hope you like my music now that you know I’m female. 🙂
I didn’t hear back from him. He’s probably too busy coming out of the closet and apologizing to people he’s insulted.

1 Comment

  1. >> Iwonder what the last one was like, because he must have been quite memorable!

    The last one was probably a woman as well. Or possibly an ass monkey.

    I had a similarly hillarious message left on my answering machine in college. One of the lines was, “I’m going to f@cking b!tch @fuck you, you’re making me look like a f@cking b!tch.” One wonders how I was making him look like anything since he was dressing himself, but I did offer to pimp him out for a 50% cut. I probably would have been more worried if I knew what “b!tch f@ck” was.

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