RISK_PB

I’m super excited to say that my true story, The Downward Spiral, that originally aired on the RISK! podcast a couple years ago, will be included in the forthcoming RISK! book, to be published on July 17, 2018 by Hachette Books!

I’ll be in the collection of some of the best true stories to ever air on the RISK! podcast, alongside awesome stories from Marc Maron, Aisha Tyler, Ts Madison, Michael Ian Black, Dan Savage and more. I’ve read the whole manuscript of the book, and it’s just incredible. The stories are SO GOOD, even if you’ve listened to them before on RISK!, and there will be lots of new stories as well, so whether you know these stories from the podcast or not, you need to get this book.

You can preorder the book now at TheRISKbook.com. It’s only $17, and every preorder we get from now through July 17 will count toward our first week sales. If we get enough of those, we’ll be on the New York Times Bestseller list, so please go preorder tons of copies for yourself and your friends and help us make this a big success. If you love uncensored true stories you won’t hear anywhere else, this is the book for you!

IMG_8899

I had a great time speaking at Viacom this week on a panel on podcasting for the Junior Hollywood Radio and Television Society. I’ve been wanting to speak on a panel for a while, so I jumped at this opportunity, and it was just as fun as I had hoped.

My fellow panelists were super funny and there were so many laughs. I loved talking about how podcasting is an awesome way that artists can make a living, have a ton of fun, and do things their own way, with total artistic freedom. And I really loved talking to young people who are interested in starting their own podcasts and just needed a little encouragement and guidance.

Even though I have a lot of fun working on the RISK! podcast, and I do it mainly in my pajamas, I really have learned a TON about running a business, podcasting, working in entertainment, managing employees, creating the life I want, and making a great show, and it’s awesome to feel that that knowledge is valuable and powerful and can inspire others to build something awesome of their own and thrive on their own terms.

Thanks to Junior Hollywood Radio and Television Society for having me, and I can’t wait to speak at more events and inspire more people to do what they love!

SEPH - a new play by Tori Keenan-Zelt

A few weeks ago, my good friend Anna Haas asked if I could jump into a play she wrote the music for, and I happily said yes. That’s how I ended up in the Greek Chorus of the off-Broadway play SEPH, which, it turns out, was written by my Harvard ’06 classmate, Tori Keenan-Zelt! You can see me and the rest of the chorus above, belting our hearts out and making paper bird puppets fly.

It was great to be on stage again, and I hope it’s not another ten years before I do some theater, because it’s still a ton of fun!

jc-as-dr-flamingo-p-king-ducklingjc-as-hippo-p-king-ducklingp-king-duckling-jc-cassis-as-dr-flamingo-creditp-king-duckling-jc-cassis-hippo-voice-credit

I’m happy to announce that I played two voice roles on Disney Junior’s adorable new show, P. King Duckling! I was Hippo in Season 1, Episode 10, “Wombat and the Hilly Boyz,” and Dr. Flamingo in Season 1, Episode 13, “Wombat Has Fleas!”

You can watch both episodes on DisneyJunior.com when you click “Watch” and then find P.King Duckling and sign in with your cable provider. Enjoy!

Ok, so this just happened. I walk out of the subway station and briefly catch eyes with a guy who’s standing on the corner trying to catch people’s eyes for some reason. I look away and keep going. He comes toward me and we have the following exchange:

Guy: I like you!

Me: Thanks! (I keep walking.)

Guy: (following me) I like you!

Me: Ok. (I keep walking)

Guy: (walking beside me) I LIKE you!

Me: Ok, thanks. (I keep walking.)

Guy: (Getting slightly in front of me) I LIKE you!!!!

Me: Ok. I’m trying to get home. (I keep walking.)

Guy: (still walking right near me, trying to get me to stop or turn to him) I LIKE you! I think he likes you, too! (points to another, bigger guy, who’s also standing on the street doing nothing)

Me: Ok, I appreciate that. (I keep walking.)

Guy: (Touching my elbow) I LIKE you!

Me: Ok. (I take a step back and go around him and keep walking)

Guy: (Touching my other elbow and walking with me) I LIKE you! (He gets a look in his eye like he’s starting to get offended that I’m not giving him whatever he wants.)

Me: (getting really fucking pissed that this fuckface thinks he can not only insist on talking to a stranger in a hurry in New York fucking City but also fucking TOUCH me and then TOUCH me again and just assume that I’m not gonna fucking annihilate him, but also trying to figure out how to get out of this situation without starting a fight, while also standing up for myself and not taking this shit) You’re invading my personal space. (I keep walking.)

Guy: (starting to look like a sad little puppy) I LIKE you!

Me: You’re invading my personal space. (I keep walking.)

Finally, he gives up. I walk away, checking behind me every few steps to see if he’s following me or what he’s doing. I can’t see him anymore. I get home and watch the door of my lobby to see if he’s followed me until I get in the elevator. I have a couple of things to say about this:

1. Fuck that guy.

2. What the fuck was that about? Is saying “I like you” over and over again the new way to start an abduction, rape, murder, or sale of an indie rap CD?

3. If I hadn’t been afraid of something bad happening, I would have liked to have said, “Dude, do you know how many people I’ve fucking “liked” that haven’t liked me back?! People aren’t gonna like you just cuz you say you like them! Life is shitty and unfair and nobody owes you shit and nobody you like will ever like you back because there’s a design flaw in the way attraction works, but we have to just make peace with that and find other ways to be happy! Also, I’m not some dumb tourist who’s gonna talk to you! I’ve lived in this fucking city in this fucking neighborhood all my life and I know how this shit works! I don’t talk to fucking strange men who harass me on the street! I don’t stop walking, I don’t give you my number, and I’m never gonna see you again! And you’re not gonna kill me, rape me, sell me something or get me to go anywhere! You’re gonna FUCK OFF. I’ve lived in this city my whole fucking life and I’m not gonna die on these streets because of some idiot like you! I’m gonna die on my own terms, probably of cancer, when I’m old as shit! So get the fuck out of my face and find effective ways to get whatever the fuck it is you’re missing in your life. And learn the #1 rule of New York City, which is leave other people the FUCK alone!!!”

4. I am so grateful that I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I can just diffuse these situations and get out of them unscathed. I can do it without upsetting or hurting anyone, without getting emotional, without escalating, and while still standing up for myself and making the bad behavior stop. I wish everyone knew how to do this.

5. Guys like this really, really have to fucking stop doing this shit.

Fuck. Shit. Diffuse. Victory. New York life.